The three tortures.

A tourist got lost hiking in some mountains in China. It started snowing so he decided to seek shelter. He came upon a tall tower with light in the window, so he pounded on the door. A little old Chinese man opened the door.

"WHAT YOU WAN' ROUND EYE"

Shocked that the old man spoke english, the traveler told him about his dilemma and through some slight coaxing, was invited inside. The old man and his daughter were sitting down to eat. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The old man saw the traveler staring and whacked him with a spoon.

"YOU MAY BE GUEST, BUT YOU SEX MY DAUGHTER I GIVE YOU THE THREE ANCIENT TORTURE"

The traveler promised not to even glance at the girl. And off to bed he went in the guest room at the very top of the tower. Low and behold, 4 hours later the daughter was crawling into bed with him. "What the hell" he thought. And they made passionate love.

The next morning the traveler woke up with a heavy feeling on his chest. He opened his eyes and saw a rock with a not on it. "TORTURE 1: ROCK ON CHEST". The traveler laughed. the stupid old man calls THIS torture? He would gladly take on these three tortures if they were all this silly. So he stood up and decided to throw the rock out the window, as it was heavy and he didn't want to carry it down stairs. Or leave it in the room and leave in shame.

Out the window the rock went. The traveler then felt something odd. Something was crawling up his thigh...
He noticed another note dragging across the floor, attached to some thin piano wire, towards him. The not said in large, bold print, "TORTURE 2: LEFT TESTICLE TIED TO ROCK"

Thinking quickly the traveler jumped out the window. Broken bones sounded better than castration. While falling he saw the old man grinning in the courtyard below. He held a sign over his head that read "TORTURE 3: RIGHT TESTICLE TIED TO BED POST".