Upon hearing the news that the new pope would be visiting his small parish Father O'Leary decided to something special for the dinner. The morning of Pope Francis' arrival he went down to the docks and found a young member of his congregation and said, "I would like to help honor the new pope by contributing to the feast tonight. Would you help me catch a fish for the meal?"
"I'd be glad to help!" said the young man.
About an hour later and with the young man's help Father O'Leary finally got a fish on the line. As he was no fisherman he nearly lost it but with the boy's assistance the rather large fish was reeled in.
"Wow!" exclaimed the young man. "I thought we'd lost him there for a second! Just look at it-- that is one huge son of a bitch!"
Father O'Leary's smile from his success turned into a frown. "Young man," he said, "you forget yourself. I am a man of the cloth. You should not use such foul language around me."
The young fisherman, thinking quickly, said, "No, no! You don't understand. That fish right there? It's a *sonofabitch*. Very common in these waters, you see, but this one is particularly large!"
O'Leary looked at the flopping fish for a moment, considered, and then nodded. "Well... if that's its name then that's its name. And you're right, he is rather large! God has blessed us with a wonderful meal to serve our new pope."
When Father O'Leary returned to his church he discovered that Bishop Conner had arrived during his absence. He explained to the bishop his plan for serving the new pope a special dinner that night.
"A most wonderful idea!" said Bishop Conner. "If only I could also contribute somehow..."
"Well," said O'Leary, "I was going to do it myself but if you'd like you may gut and clean the fish. I would warn warn you, though, that it is one very large *sonofabitch*."
The bishop's cheerful smile disappeared. "Father!" he scolded. "Have you forgotten yourself!? How dare you use such language in a house of God!"
"No, no, you don't understand," pleaded the priest. "That's the fish I caught, a *sonofabitch*. The young man who helped me catch it said that they are plentiful in these waters but that this is one of the largest he's ever seen!"
"Ah, I see," nodded the bishop. "Well then, I wouldn't mind cleaning the sonofabitch for his Holiness!"
After gutting and cleaning the fish Bishop Conner brought it to the Mother Superior. "Pope Francis will arrive for dinner soon," he told the elderly woman. "Please take special care preparing this meal. I have personally gutted and cleaned the *sonofabitch* but as you can see, this *sonofabitch* is very large."
The mother superior's face drained of color and her eyes went wide at the Bishops words. "Wh-- wha--?" she stammered while clutching her rosaries.
Bishop Conner, realizing his mistake, quickly said, "No, no, I know what you're thinking, Mother. Worry not, I have not profaned: this fish is what's known as a *sonofabitch*. There are many in these waters and this one is particularly large."
"Oh!" the woman smiled in relief. "Forgive me, your excellency... I had never heard of such a fish. I shall begin cooking this *sonofabitch* right away."
Later that evening the new pope honored his hosts by saying grace before the meal was served. Every dignitary from the village was there and each was able to enjoy some of that large fish during dinner. All agreed that it was a delicious, most wonderful course. Most complimentary of all, though, was the new pope.
"This was truly exquisite," the pontiff said after clearing his plate. "Who do I have to thank for such a tasty and well prepared meal and from such a small and humble village no less?"
Father O'Leary spoke first. "I caught the *sonofabitch!*" he proudly announced.
Bishop Conner quickly followed, "I cleaned the *sonofabitch!*"
The mother superior declared, "I cooked the *sonofabitch!*"
Most of the guests at the table gasped in shock. The new pope's jaw dropped at first, too. After a long moment of total silence in the room though a smirk appeared on his face. He leaned back in his seat, eyed his hosts with narrowed eyes, and grinned.
"You know what?" he said. "You mother-fuckers are all right."
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