The Miracle Machine

A guy is talking to a work buddy in the bar. The guy says, "man my wrist is killing me! I want to go to a doctor but im scared that the bill will be too high." The buddy says, "well you are in luck man! i heard from my wife that a new pharmacy just opened up and they have a machine that with just a sample of your urine it will tell you what is wrong with you and also tell you how to fix it. Best of all, it's free!" The man says, "thats amazing! I must try it!"
The man quickly goes to the pharmacy and quickly finds the machine. The machine is very large, with just a small square for you to enter your sample and a small slit for the paper your diagnosis to come out of.
The man quickly goes to the restroom and fills a cup with his urine. The man enters his sample into the hole and it quickly disappears. Not 5 seconds later the machine starts making printing sounds. 3 seconds after that a paper that looks like a reciept comes out of the slit. The paper reads, "You have sorained your wrist, Apply an ice pack for a few minutes to reduce swelling. Refrain from any streneous activity for the next 36 hours and it will feel much better."
The man was amazed. "All of that from just a sample of urine?! that is astonishing! A miracle of science!"
"But what if..."
He then started to wonder if he could trick this scientific marvel.
He collected pee from his wife, daughter, and dog, mixed it with tap water and to top it off, his own semen. He then went back to the pharmacy to give the machine his mixture.
After the usual sounds the machine made, it printed a longer paper.
"1. Your tap water is impure. Buy a filter.
2. Your dog has worms. Take her to a vet for medication.
3. Your wife is pregnant. It is not yours. Contact a lawyer.
4. Your daughter has a drug problem. Prepare an intervention for her and send her to rehab.
5. And if you don't stop masturbating, your wrist will not get better."