There once was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately that distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. She warned her though, not to eat any of the green persimmons because they were so sour they would make her mouth pucker up and she wouldn't be able to speak properly for a couple of days.
She agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the vicar got up in the pulpit and announced, "Dew to thircumstanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday."
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