The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland...

The Atlanta School Board, sensing that Oakland is about to cash in with the "Gummit" by labelling Black slang as a language, "Ebonics," has decided to pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language
to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:


HEIDI - noun. Greeting.


HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."


BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."


JAWJUH - noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."


MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."


IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"


RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."


ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."


FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."


BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"


TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."


TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."


RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."


TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."


FAT - noun, verb.
1. a battle or combat.
2. to engage in battle or combat.


ARE - pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.


RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."


FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."


DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."


EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ear!"


BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."


JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"


HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."


SEED - verb, past tense.


VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"


HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"


GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."


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