The apprentice lion tamer

The old lion tamer is retiring, and is training a replacement. He and the apprentice stand outside the lion cage.

Apprentice: "So, what if I'm in the cage and the lion starts getting aggressive?"

Lion tamer: "Well, you have to assert dominance. Stare him in the eyes to show him you're the boss."

Apprentice: "Okay... but what if that doesn't work. What if he starts moving towards me, like he might attack?"

Lion tamer: "Don't worry. Just pick something up, like that old chair we keep in the cage. Wave it at him a bit."

Apprentice: "Right, gotcha." ... "But, uhh, what if he keeps coming towards me?"

Lion tamer: "No worries. Hold the chair out. Poke it at him a bit."

Apprentice: "Righto." ... "and what if he keeps coming, like he gets up close?"

Lion tamer: "Well, shove the leg of the chair at him. Maybe in his mouth or one of his eyes."

Apprentice: "okay"... ... ..."and what if if he keeps coming?"

Lion tamer: "Just reach behind you and pick up a lump of poo. Fling it in his face."

Apprentice: "But what if there's no poo behind me?"

Lion tamer: "Oh, don't you worry. By that time there will be."