She can't sleep (really long)

credit: Bill Moen, an 80's San Francisco Bay Area radio personality. Stuck with me for decades, I can still hear his voice telling it:

A couple are in bed and in the middle of the night she wakes up and gets to thinking and now can't sleep. Her husband turns over and she figures he's awake too so she decides to talk to him about stuff on her mind.

So she shakes him, and asks, "if I die do you think you'll remarry?"

The poor guy is actually dead asleep, but wakes up and half halfheartedly says, "what, oh yea sure." He begins to snore.

Now her mind is racing at this, so she wakes him again asking, "if I die and you remarry will you sleep with her in this bed?" Now he's a little more awake and mutters, "yea sure, its a good bed, I'm going back to sleep."

Her mind is freaking out about this and pokes him awake again asking, "if I die and you remarry will you sleep with her in this bed in these sheets?" He's even more awake now a bit irritated, and says, "yea sure, its a good bed, nice sheets, nothing wrong with it, going to sleep now."

She can't believe it, after all these years together he's just so casual and nonchalant about sleeping with another woman in her bed, with her sheets she agonized to chose and she takes such pride to keep clean! Her mind races, what else will he do? Will he use her wedding ring? Will this woman drive her car? Her mind just can't shut down thinking of all this. So finally she decides to ask him about her stuff and figures she'd start with something easy asking, "If I die and you remarry will you let her use my golf clubs?"

Now the guy who just wants to sleep and has been woken up to answer all this what he considers nonsense, honestly quite a bit irritated over this, and says, "Well of course not."

Shocked she replies back, "well why not?"

He replies, "because she's left handed, now go to sleep."