Series of Science jokes...

I know some of you like whine about this sort of thing so I'll apologize now: Sorry if you've already seen some (or all) of these before.

A Physicist, a Biologist and a Mathematician are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people entering the house.

Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house.

The Physicist says, "The initial measurement wasn't accurate."

The Biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

The Mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house; it will be empty."

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I'd tell more chemistry jokes, but all the good ones Argon.

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Q: WHAT DOES A MATHEMATICIAN DO WHEN HE'S CONSTIPATED?

A: HE SITS DOWN AND WORKS IT OUT

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Heisenberg is driving on the free way and a police officer stopped him for speeding.

The officer walks up to Heisenberg's car and asks him, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says "Officer, I have no idea how fast I was going, but I know exactly where I am!"

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A Biologist, Chemist, and Physicist were on vacation together in Hawaii.

They were usually in the lab all day so they finally decided to take a trip to the beach.

When they get to the beach, they all study something about the water.

The Biologist wanted to study the marine life so he jumps in the water and he disappears.

The Physicist wanted to study the waves so he jumps in the water and he also disappears.

Then, the Chemist, having observed all this, writes in her notebook, "Biologist and Physicist both soluble in water."

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Two men walk into a bar.

The first man orders some H2O.

The second says "sounds good, I'll have some H2O too"

The second man died.

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You've got nice curves, like a Nyquist diagram

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Einstein, Pascal and Newton are together and are bored.

Einstein says, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"

The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.

But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a 1 meter x 1 meter square.

He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"

Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him.

He says, "I found you, Pascal!"

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Q: HOW OFTEN DO YOU STUDY CHEMISTRY?

A: PERIODICALLY

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Your Mom is so dumb, she tried to minimize a 12 variable function to a minimal sum of products expression using a Karnaugh map instead of the Quine-McCluskey Algorithm.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one orders one glass of beer.

The second one orders 1/2 glass of beer.

The third one orders 1/4 glass of beer.

The fourth orders 1/8 glass of beer.

Before the fifth one orders, the bartender says, "You're all assholes" and simply pours two glasses of beer.

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Na walks into a bar. It sees Cl and just starts beating the shit out of it.

The two are fighting and the bartender says, "hey you two, cut it out, or else I'm callin the police-- that's Assault."

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A Physicist, a chemist, and an economist are shipwrecked on a desert island with only a can of beans to eat and no way to open it.

The Physicist makes a suggestion: "I can calculate just the right angle, mass, and velocity of a projectile that will knock the top off the can."

"No!" the Economist cries, "That might spill the beans."

The Chemist then says, "I can make a compound from some local plants that will eat through the tin and open the can."

"Fool! That would contaminate the beans!" says the Economist.

Exasperated, the other two ask the economist if he has a plan. "Of course!" says the Economist, "The solution is simple. First, we assume we have a can opener..."

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Q: Why was Frequency always crying?

A: Because it Hertz.

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Shake it like a sine wave baby

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An electron is driving on the freeway when a traffic officer pulls him over.

The officer walks over to the electron's car and says: "Sir, do you know you were going 150 mph?"

The electron replies: "Great. Now I'm lost"

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Q: Why don't Heisenburg's operators live in the suburbs?

A: They don't commute

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One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math and wants to be a fireman.

So, the mathematician walks down to the fire department and announces that he wants to become a fireman.

The fire chief says, "Well, you look like a good guy. I'd be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test."

The firechief takes the mathematcian to the alley behind the fire department which contains a dumpster, a spicket, and a hose.

The chief then says, "OK, you're walking in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire.

What do you do?" The mathematician replies, "Well, I hook up the hose to the spicket, turn the water on, and put out the fire."

The chief says, "That's great... perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question.

What do you do if you're walking down the alley and you see the dumpster is not on fire?"

The mathematician puzzles over the question for awhile and the finally says, "I light the dumpster on fire."

The chief yells, "What? That's horrible! Why would you light the dumpster on fire?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I've already solved."

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A scientist, an artist, and an engineer are at a bar having their weekly drink.

Topic of the week: whether it is better to have a wife or a mistress?

*Scientist: "A wife is a part of life and a fundamental part of my marriage and sanity."

*Artist: "Oui, oui mon ami, but the mistress holds the world's passion and energy - the foundation of creativity!!"

*Engineer: "Both work for me. That way, both women think you are busy with the other and you can finally get some work done in the lab."

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WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY

GOOD NIGHT