Robert is heart broken

Robert recently broke up with his long term girlfriend and became extremely depressed and decided to go out for a drink.

As he walks into bar and orders a drink, he notices a man slouched in the corner booth a thin, pale, nerdy looking fellow with a hot blonde bombshell of a woman.

Robert asks the bartender "Why can guys like him get girls like her and I'm over here all alone drinking my beer?"

The bartender replies "Don't you know? Shes the local prostitute, very popular with the clients"

Robert takes another look and finishes his beer and leaves. The next day he returns, still not over the fact his long term relationship ended so devastatingly. Orders a beer and looks over to see the blonde bombshell by herself flicking through her phone. He decides to hell with it and picks up enough courage to walk over and ask.

"I..I.. heard you're great with your services?"

Blondie replied "I sure am baby, what'll it be?"

Robert not having any experience with prostitutes and what to ask for, wondering if there was a paper back menu of some sort he could filter through he stuttered.

"Um...uh.. I.. I want to take it slow.. so I guess I'll start with a handjob?"

Blondie whispers "That'll be five hundred bucks, sexy"

Suprised at the fact it would cost so much Robert stammered

"W..Whoa! That's an expensive handjob!"

Blondie points out the door to a Mercedes Benz convertible in hot pink parked on the opposite side of the road.

Blondie replies "See that baby? I paid that outright from just giving handjobs, im the best in town.. Don't like it? Can't afford it? Piss off"

Robert apologised "Oh oh no, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend y.."

Interrupted by Blondie's finger pressing against Robert's lips. Robert handed over five hundred in cash and they hopped in his car and drove off.

The next night Robert comes back to the bar, looking for Blondie. She's found sitting in the exact same spot, Robert creeps over and plops down in the opposite booth seating.

"That was very very exciting night we had. I was wondering if we could step it up a notch? How about a blowjob?"

Blondie smirks "Honey, that'll be two grand, but since you're sooo cute, I'll do it for a grand"

Robert gulped "Lady, that's a fair bit of dough your a.."

Tugged at his collar, Blondie pulls Robert outside and points to a small motel down the road called Missy's.

She exclaimed "See that buddy, I own that from just blowing people and if you keep up that attitude you won't be getting any! I am that damn good!"

Robert apologised and they hopped into his car and drove off.

Robert bursts into the bar the next morning and stumbles over to Blondie. He coughs and splutters..

"Oh Blondie, that blowjob was the best in the world!! I really want to have sex with you! It must be mind blowing!! How much?"

Blondie giggled "It'll be ten grand, cutie"

Robert agape, he gasps "But..but.."

Blondie drags him outside by the scruff, Robert thinks to himself that he's in hot water again and might not get any. She points down to a little island and Robert's jaw drops.

"Nooo waaaayyy, you don't own that do you?!"

She laughs "Nope, if i had a vagina i would"