Recently, I've managed to get really into crosswords.

Like those really cryptic ones you get in the weekend papers, with clues like 'fish worn on head, (5, 7,)', and stuff like that. I get really intense about them, though, and can't stand starting a new one until I've finished the last one. I refuse to use dictionaries and things on principle, and I'll sit and ponder them until something comes along.

Anyway, I'd been working on one for about a month straight, stuck on one last clue. I'd stopped going to work, stopped bathing, shaving. I barely ate, barely slept. I was pretty sure my girlfriend had left me because it had been a bit quiet, but I couldn't be sure.

Most of my mates had abandoned me, except my friend from Jamaica- good guy, great friend.

So, he came round to visit me, takeaway curry in hand, and sat down next to me. It took me a moment, but I realised he was there, and looked up at him.

"Come on", he said, "you've got to give up. It's not good for you. You're....". He trailed off after that, but that 'twirly finger by the ear' thing everyone knows means 'fuck, mate, you're insane'.

"I can't", I replied through my luxurious crossword-beard, "I need to finish this one last thing, and then....and then I'll be fine. Fine. Promise"

He sighed, and shook his head, but gestured anyway. "Alright, what is it?"

"Great in scale and size. Awe-inspiring. Impressive. Ten letters"

"Monumental"

"No I'm not, I just really want to finish this crossword"