Realtor Doubletalk

Ever read realty ads and see all the nice things they say about
the homes for sale - but read between the lines to find out what
the ads are really describing:


Handyman's Delight - Really a handyman's nightmare! Better tear
the place down and re-build from scratch.


Great neighborhood near conveniences - on a noisy, busy street.
Near playground where street gangs congregate at night. Houses
are so close you can hear your neighbors breathing.


Acerage included - High taxes, high taxes, high taxes!


With a little imagination, this could be your dream house - see
Handyman's delight


Income potential - If you want to invest a Donald Trump sized
bank account, you can convert this into rental property. Good
luck trying to collect from your deadbeat tenants.


Appliances included - but they don't work. You'll have to buy
new ones anyway and be burdened with disposing of the old ones.
Nobody gives up a good freezer, stove, washer or refrigerator.


Excellent starter home - it's so small (how small is it?) you'll
break the back window when you put the key in the front door.


Extensive deferred maintenance throughout - see handyman's
delight.


Custom design - see entropy at work. This has a sunken living
room - literally. The kitchen had slid 50 feet down the hillside
after the last heavy rainfall. Skylights are really holes in the
roof left by a hurricane. Heated pool in cellar is created by
the leaking water heater.


For the discriminating buyer - You must have Bill Gates' income.


Has floors, roof and windows - Wow! I always wanted those
ammenities.


Has possibilities - see handyman's delight.


Peace and privacy - A hundred miles from anywhere. No
electricity, indoor plumbing or central heat. Chipmunks,
mosquitoes and bears are your closest neighbors.


Spacious, with catherdral ceiling - Think about fuel bills when
trying to heat this monstrosity!


On corner lot - Pedestrians, bikers and vehicular traffic make
short-cuts across your front lawn.


A great fixer-upper - Ever see the movie "The Money Pit"?


Be the frist to see this one - It's been on the market six years
without an offer.


Has the elegance and charm of yesteryear - see Peace and Privacy
& Handyman's Delight.