Actual personal ads from actual newspapers: I like driving around with my two cats, especially on the freeway. I make them wear little hats so that I can use the carpool lane. Way too much time on your hands too? Call me. SWF, 42, 5'10", brown/blue. I want a man with a BIG heart, BIG hands, BIG feet, who is ready to enjoy BIG aspects of a playful woman. Fat, flatulent, over-40, cigar-smoking redneck seeks sexy woman with big hair to cook, clean and pick up unemployment checks.
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