Tattoo artist: Can I help you?
Guy: Yes, I'm wondering if you would tattoo my penis?
Artist: ok, what were you thinking of getting?
Guy: I want a bouquet of my wife's favorite flowers.
Artist: um, why flowers?
Guy: so I can tell people that I try to be a loving husband and give my wife flowers everyday, but the bitch just swats them away and yells at me to leave her alone.
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