Negotiations

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:* I do physical labor* I work at great depths* I work head first* I do not get, weekends off or public holidays* I work in a damp environment* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation* I work in high temperatures* My work exposes me to contagious diseasesResponse from the administration:After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:* You do not work 8 hours straight, who you kiddin!* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods* You do not always follow the orders of the management team* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift* You don't always observe security measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits* You don't wait till pension age before retiring* You don't like working double shifts* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.