I don't even know how to respond to this. They've never done anything weird like this ever before. all they said was "we thought it'd come in handy at college" and I was like "oh yeaahhh thanks" and pretended to not know what it was at first. They gave me the receipt in case I wanted to send it back, and that's definitely what I should do in order to discourage them from doing this weird shit in the future, but I want to open this thing and shove my dick in there so fucking bad right now you don't even understand...
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