Mr. Penis Wants a Raise

Mr. Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons: - has to work hard- has to work at great depths- has to work upside-down - has no ventilation or air-conditioned work environment has to work in a high humidity environment with odors - has to work at hot temperatures- does not get weekends or holidays off - does not get time off after extra hours of work has a hazardous work- environment that often causes illness Management Reply: "Request denied for the following reasons" - does not work 8 hours straight during any work period- does not respond immediately to any requests - coworkers often unsatisfied by job- performance falls asleep after a short period of activity - shows no evidence of loyalty at the workplace - works better alone than with others - does not work at all unless pushed from behind - does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work - sometimes leaves work too early