I've learned...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.


I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just arse holes.


I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion - not proof - to destroy it. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.


I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fed up than you think.


I've learned you should always leave loved ones with loving words. You may need to borrow money.


I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.


I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.


I've learned that either you control your attitude or you will he offered medication.


I've learned that money is a great substitute for character.


I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean you cant take advantage of them when they're passed out and naked in your bed.


I�ve learned that maturity is a magazine for old farts.


I've learned that no matter how good a woman is she'll only contribute to your alcoholism.


I've learned that no matter how badly your heart is broken, therapy is still expensive.


I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't have secret plans to move out.


I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.


I've learned that two people can screw the exact same person and compare notes.


I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. And all the less important ones just never go away.


I've learned to say, 'F*** them if they can't take a joke' in six languages.