IT'S THE DALLAS VEGAS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Dallas Vegas, a scrawny Matthew McConaughey lookalike with an extremely high pitched voice exclaims, wearing a white suit and a purple bowtie, looking eagerly at the audience. "With your special guest... CHRISTIIIIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAAAAAAA APPLEGATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He then sits down on his leather chair.

A morbidly obese, sixty-year-old woman with a dirty blonde afro steps on the stage, walking over to the guest chair. "Thanks, Dallas," she says in a very deep, masculine voice, the pitch raising at the last syllable. "Y'know, it really is a PLEASURE [she proceeds to shove her entire right fist up her vagina] to be here." She then begins to stare with bulging blue eyes at Dallas, raping him with her eyes.

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you're not Christina Applegate!" Dallas squeals in fear.

"That's right, Dallas." Her stare intensifies, the mind-rape becoming ever more violent. "I'M NOT."

"Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh I've got a restraining order!" Dallas shouts, squirming in his seat.

"Now why is that, Dallas?" Her voice again elevated by a slight degree on the last syllable. "I thought we were on... good terms." She winks at him.

"YOU TRIED TO EAT MY FUCKING FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dallas shrieks after having restrained himself previously. "I HAVE A RESTRAINING ORDER YOU CAME HERE WHERE IS CHRISTINA I NEED SECURITY WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME PLEASE LEAVE..."

"Now Dallas, let's not BLOW [she makes a loose fist in front of her mouth and begins moving it back and forth while making a choking noise] things out of proportion. So I supposedly 'tried to eat your face.' What's the... BD?"

"The what?" Dallas manages to say.

"The BD... The big deal." She puts on a condescending grin.

"YOU TRIED TO EAT MY FUCKING FACE!!!!!!!!!!" Dallas gasps for air. "You tried to eat... my... fucking... face." Dallas looks upon her.

"We can go on and on about the past... about how I did or didn't try to 'eat your face,' but let's M... O."

"What?"

"C'mon, Dallas." She licks her lips. "Move on."