If Google was a religion and could save your soul...

- Confessional would be both mandatory, assuming you wish to continue believing in this religion. You'll get prompted about it every time you visited a Google House of Worship, or any house using Google services.

- Don't worry about what to confess though, Google's so integrated in your life, they already know. It appears from your frequent search history for upscale restaurants you may want to confess gluttony, and from the amount of time you watch YouTube, slothfulness.

- Click four sponsored links, and watch three YouTube preroll ads, and your sins are forgiven.

- Thou Shalt Not Bing.

- "You must REMOVE the TEMPTATION to Microsoft Office by UNINSTALLING it from your life. Only then, can you truly be free."

- If you're truly committed, you can enable the beta features of the religion and apply them early in your life. Looking down on others without such commitment is encouraged.

- You'd be encouraged to view with distrust other religions offering the same services...

- And lastly, as with many religions, it'd be a constant battle to keep up on the terms of service

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