Husbands and Wives, Volume: 73,983,512

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. -- Henny YoungmanThe best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. -- Ann BancroftAny husband who says. ''My wife and I are completely equal partners,'' is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. -- Bill CosbyKeep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. --Benjamin FranklinMy wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny YoungmanMy wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney DangerfieldA good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Milton BerleI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- George BurnsWhat's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. -- Cindy GarnerWhen women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. -- Elaine BooslerI bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ''There was water in the carburetor.'' I said, ''Where's the car?'' She said, ''In the lake.'' -- Henny YoungmanNever go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis DillerMy mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. -- Rita RudnerThe secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -- Henny YoungmanPeople are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. -- Erma Bombeck