Hillary's Lie Clock

A man of modest means died and went to Heaven. As he ascended through the clouds, he came to St. Peter, who was at a standing desk in front of the Pearly Gates.

Behind St. Peter was a gigantic wall of clocks. It went so high and so far off into the distance that the man couldn’t see where it ended.

The man, astonished by just about everything he was seeing because he had just transitioned from life on Earth, asked, “St. Peter, what are all those clocks behind you?”

St. Peter, looking up from his ledger and having found the man’s file, looked over his reading glasses and said matter-of-factly, “Those are ‘lie clocks.’”

The man looked puzzled and asked, “I’ve never heard of such a thing. What is a ‘lie clock’?”

St. Peter explained that in Heaven everyone alive on Earth has a ‘lie clock.’ He continued to explain that each and every time someone lies, the hands on his or her lie clock moves.

The man, a bit nervous because he knew he had lied a time or two during the course of his lifetime, pointed to a clock that seemed to be at midnight. “Whose clock is that?” he asked.

“That’s Mother Teresa’s clock,” St. Peter responded. “The hands on her clock have never moved; a testimony to her goodness and honesty.”

The man then pointed to a clock that signaled it had only moved two seconds. “Is that the clock of a child?” the man asked.

“No, that’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock,” St. Peter replied. “The hands on his clock have only moved twice telling us he lied only twice in his life. Remarkable for most.”

The man, having just dropped dead while screaming at a television set showing a Hillary Clinton campaign ad, asked, “Just out of curiosity, where is Hillary Clinton’s clock?”

St. Peter looked up from his ledger and, with a wry grin, said, “Oh, Hillary’s clock is in Jesus’s office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.”