Hickbonics!

Atlanta School Board


The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over Ebonics, has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:


HEIDI -- noun. Greeting.


HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."


BARD -- verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."


JAWJUH -- noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."


MUNTS -- noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."


IGNERT -- adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"


RANCH -- noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."


ALL -- noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."


FAR -- noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."


BAHS -- noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to
work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"


TAR -- noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."


TIRE -- noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."


RETARD -- Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."


TARRED -- adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."


FAT -- noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or
combat.


ARE -- pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.


RATS -- noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."


FARN -- adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn
country."


DID -- adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."


EAR -- noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"


BOB WAR -- noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."


JEW HERE -- Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"


HAZE -- a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert."


SEED -- verb, past tense.


VIEW -- contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"