God Bless America

Last weekend, I go down to Atlantic City for my friend's bachelor party and inevitably they invite strippers. The strippers stay and party with us after they put on a show for us, and I start to get to know one pretty well- her name's Jane, she likes cats, she goes on fishing trips and shit.

Jane seems pretty interested in me and at a certain point in the night, she whispers in my ear that she also provides "extra" services if I'm willing to pay. I'm pretty drunk, so I figure what the fuck and Jane and I go into the bedroom. She tells me she can give me the best blowjob I've ever gotten, while simultaneously singing God Bless America, but I'll have to turn off the lights and close the blinds so that the room is pitch black. I've *got* to experience this.

So I pay her and turn off the lights and the show begins. Holy shit, what a blowjob, and the voice on this girl was fucking incredible, but how did she do it? Truly amazing. The next day, I call her up and tell her that I'm still in town and I want another turn on the blowjob train and she agrees. I pay her the set rate and get the stunning BJ, while I start to hatch a plan in my mind. Luckily, I'm in town for one more day...

So the third day, I call up Jane and request the same transaction. She meets me, I get her into the hotel room and tell her I want it standing up this time, not in the bed. She agrees, and I position myself between the light switch and the coffee table. The awesomeness starts up and so does the singing, and about halfway into it, I flick on the light switch.

The first thing I see is her glass eye on the coffee table.