Getting into Heaven A woman finds herself outside the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St.

Getting into Heaven A woman finds herself outside the Pearly Gates, where she is greeted by St. Peter. Am I where I think I am? she exclaims. It's so beautiful! Did I really make it to heaven? To which St. Peter replies, Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one thing before you can enter. Very excited, the woman asks what she must do to pass through the gates. Spell out a sentence, St. Peter replies. What sentence? she asks. Any sentence, answers St. Peter. It's your choice. The woman promptly replies, The sentence I will spell is 'love is blind'. L-o-v-e i-s b-l-i-n-d. St. Peter congratulates her on her good fortune of making it into Heaven and asks her if she will take his place at the gates for a moment while he goes to the bathroom. I'd be honored, she says, but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone? St. Peter instructs her to require any newcomers to spell a word, just as she had done. So the woman takes St. Peter's chair and watches the beautiful angels soaring around her, when lo and behold, a man approaches the gates. It is her husband! What happened? she cries. Why are you here? Her husband explains, I was so upset when I left your funeral that I got into an automobile accident. Now I am here, ready to join you in Heaven. Not just yet, the woman replies. First you must spell a sentence. What sentence? he asks. Thou senseless, impertinent, quibbling, drivelling, feeble, paralytic, impotent, fumbling, frigid nincompoop.** ------------ ** This line is from The Plain Dealer, by British playwright William Wycherley, 1676