* You've ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is a medical emergency.
* You have four categories of patients; urgent, emergent, non-emergent, and S.I.O. (sleeping it off.)
* You've ever entered a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk."
* You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors."
* You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots."
* You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing.
* You've ever thought "as long as he's got a pulse, I won't worry about that rhythm."
* You've ever referred to a body bag as a "To Go" bag.
* You can identify the "P.I.D. shuffle" at a distance of 15 feet and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 20.
* You've identified the ULTIMATE Cruel Practical Joke; (get someone drunk, then take them to the ER and announce that they've overdosed on "some kind of pills" just prior to arrival.)
* You think of chocolate, coffee, Coca-Cola and the cafeteria's frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 food groups.
* You've ever heard the radio report from the ambulance and sadly put the morgue bag on the cart before the patient arrives.
* You think that the announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes of two adults in a serious MVA on back boards with sirens on and anxiety at level 10 would be a great opportunity to eat lunch... (and you know that this is more time than you usually get.)
* You have ever heard triage nurse first ask, "Is it urgent?" when interrupted from the first break in hours.
* You feel that you can diagnose passersby at the mall based on physical presentation.
* You don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history questions because you can fill it out from memory.
* You can keep a straight face as the patient responds "I just had two beers."
* You automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have daily.
* You give the local drunks tips on where to sleep so they (and you) won't be disturbed by a return visit.
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