........and finally moving on to where he was aiming for his whole life, namely working in the Vatican itself. Father Murphy, (a young priest in his mid-twenties) was sent to replace him & O' Sullivan spent many weeks "showing him the ropes". Murphy was eager, enthusiastic, had a very positive attitude to his new role & was quick to learn all of the duties that were expected of him, (masses, funerals, weddings, local charity work, visiting the sick & elderly etc.), but the one thing he just couldn't wrap his brain around was the amount of penance to give people in the confession box when they came to own up to their sins.
The day before he left for Rome, Father O' Sullivan sat down at his keyboard & spent many hours compiling an A-Z list of all the sins he could think of with the relevant penance attached (eg. "Taking the lords name in vain........1 Hail Mary & 1 Our Father" - "Multiple murder....... 10 Hail Marys & 10 Our Fathers with a recommendation that the sinner turns him/herself in to the Police") & gave the list to Father Murphy next morning before leaving for Rome.
Murphy settled into his new role very well & the list that O' Sullivan left him with worked just fine in the confession box...........until one day, a woman came in, sat down & proceeded to tell him her sins. "Well Father, I've been having an affair with my next door neighbour for the last month" to which Murphy replied after looking at the list "My child, for your adultery, that will be eight Hail Marys & Eight Our Fathers"........"No, no that's not the end of it" the woman interrupted, "last night I'm ashamed to say that I engaged in oral sex with him". Looking down the list, Murphy realised that oral sex wasn't on the list & said to the woman "wait here, I'll be right back" & ran out of the confession box to seek advice from someone, **any**one.
Looking around frantically, the only other person he could see in the church was an altar boy filling up the holy water font & Murphy ran up to him & whispered "Hey kid, you got any idea what Father O' Sullivan used to give for oral sex?"
"Sure" came the reply.........."Two Snickers bars & a can of Coke"
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