Doctor's Funnies

Doctor's stories-You can't make this stuff up. (Sometimes the truth is funnier than fiction!)


A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one!


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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.


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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."


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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.


"Now your left." Again, a flawless read.


"Now both," I requested.


There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with BOTH his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam


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And of course, the best is saved for last.... I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"


"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.


I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly!"