Diary Entries from Deer Hunt

Deer hunting season is coming up... Here are the secret diary entries from
last year's deer hunt.


1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.


2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.


3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.


3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.


3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.


3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.


4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.


4:30 am - Head into the woods.


6:05 am - See eight deer.


6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.


6:07 am - "Click".


6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.


8:00 am - Head back to camp.


9:00 am - Still looking for camp.


10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.


Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.


12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.


12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.


12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries.


12:45 pm - Rescued.


12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.


3:00 pm - Arrived back in camp.


3:30 pm - leave camp to kill deer.


4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets.


4:01 pm - Load gun - leave camp again.


5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.


6:00 pm - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing in camp.


6:01 pm - Load gun.


6:02 pm - Fire gun.


6:03 pm - One dead pickup truck.


6:05 pm - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.


6:06 pm - Repress strong desire to shoot partner.


6:07 pm - Fall into fire.


6:10 pm - Change clothes - throw burned ones into fire.


6:15 pm - Take pickup - leave partner and his deer in the woods.


6:25 pm - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.


6:26 pm - Start walking.


6:30 pm - Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.


6:35 pm - Meet bear.


6:36 pm - Take aim.


6:37 pm - Fire gun - blow up barrel plugged with mud.


6:38 pm - Make mess in pants.


6:39 pm - Climb tree.


9:00 pm - Bear departs - wrap %&*$#@ gun around tree.


Midnight - Home at last.


Next day - Watch football games on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into
little pieces - place in envelope and mail to back to Game Warden.