CLINTONESQUE LANGUAGE MANIPULATIONPresident Clinton has pushed the envelope of the English language to realms hitherto unchartered. Now that we know that a person can enjoy sex while not actually having sex, let's consider other situations where similar language manipulation can provide an equally convenient defense... * In Chicago, it isn't voter fraud unless you can prove those dead people would have voted the other way.* It isn't reckless driving if you get into an actual wreck.* You are not guilty of DUI if you were so drunk that you thought someone else was driving.* It is not speeding if there are still cars in front of you.* You are not abusing drugs if you store them in a cool, dry place and never yell at them or beat them.* It is not premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.* It isn't procrastination if you decide to postpone it right now.* It isn't a pre-existing condition unless you had it before you existed.* You're not fat if clothes are actually made in your size.
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