Cheerios

An average Cheerio box has three levels. At the top is the realm of the complete, perfect Cheerios. These Cheerios live a life of luxury, with as much food and drink as they want, and little work to do. The second level of the box, the middle layer, is occupied by the imperfect but still mostly whole. These Cheerios have to work to survive, but life is manageable. The lowest level is occupied by the broken, destroyed fragments of Cheerios, that small children refuse to eat, and it is these Cheerios that must fight to survive in the dog-eat-dog world of the lower box.

The protagonist of our story is a Cheerio crumb from the lower box. For the sake of the story, this Cheerio's name is Jake. Jake had been born in the lower box, but had heard stories of the immense wealth of the Cheerios in the top layer. Being a naive young lad, Jake did not understand why he couldn't live up with the whole Cheerios. He dreamed of eating hamburgers and drinking lemonade, of laying around in the sun, He was determined to make it to the top. So one day, he began to climb.

Jake didn't tell his mother where he was going. He began to climb, Up and up he went, climbing to the top. He was determined to reach the top, and so he still climbed long into the night, and through til the next morning. Eventually, he reached the second layer of the box.

"Who the f**k are you?" asked a big Cheerio in the shape of a 'C'

"I'm Jake. and I want to reach the top of the box.' our hero replied earnestly.

"Well, sorry mate, you're not going to" apologised the big Cheerio as he picked up Jake by the collar and threw him back down into the lower section.

Jake fell far, and fell hard. He woke up on the very bottom of the box, and realised that he still wanted to get to the top. He began to climb, Up and up he went, climbing to the top. He was determined to reach the top, and so he still climbed long into the night, and through til the next morning. Eventually, he reached the second layer of the box.

"You again?" asked the big Cheerio.

"I really. really want to get to the top" Jake retorted breathlessly.

"Well, if you really want to get there, how about you stay with me to get your strength back?" the bigger Cheerio offered.

"I'll take you up on that," Jake said graciously

The bug Cheerio's name was Kevin, and he was a nice guy. He didn't mind the lower downs, and he didn't begrudge the top dwellers their existence. In the morning Jake bid Kevin farewell and began to climb, Up and up he went, climbing to the top. He was determined to reach the top, and so he still climbed long into the night, and through til the next morning. Eventually, he reached the top layer of the box.

"What on earth is a Plebeian like you doing here?" asked a gloriously perfect Cheerio.

"I'm Jake. and I want to reach the top of the box.' our hero replied earnestly.

"Well, tough luck, you're not going to" said the complete Cheerio as he picked up Jake by the collar and threw him back down into the abyss below.

Jake fell very far, and fell very hard. He woke up on the very bottom of the box, and realised that he still wanted to get to the top. He began to climb, Up and up he went, climbing to the top. He was determined to reach the top, and so he still climbed long into the night, and through til the next morning. Eventually, he reached the second layer of the box.

"You have a lot of determination for a young one," Kevin observed "Come on, you can stay with me until you don't look like you've been hit by a train"

Kevin's wife's name was Kay, and she was a bitch. She hated the lower downs, and worshipped the top dwellers. In the morning Jake bid Kevin farewell (after sh*ting in Kay's car) and began to climb, Up and up he went, climbing to the top. He was determined to reach the top, and so he still climbed long into the night, and through til the next morning. Eventually, he reached the top layer of the box.

"How on earth did you survive that fall?" asked the pompous Cheerio.

"It's only about 20 centimetres" Jake told him.

"True- but to climb all the way back here after... you must be made of special stuff." The complete Cheerio turned around and picked up a card. "This is a visitors card. It allows you to stay up here for a day, and you are allowed to have one drink and one item of food. However, you must leave and never return once this day has finished".

Jake accepted, and set out to explore the top layer. It was everything he'd dreamed and more. They had streets of gold and fields of green. Kittens and puppies played everywhere. Jake happily explored the area until lunchtime, when he decided he wanted to get his food and drink. He approached the hamburger restraunt, but saw that the line went out the door. He decided to get a drink first.

Jake walked over to the lemonade stand, but was shocked to discover that the line was several hundred metres long. He realised he did not have enough time to wait in this line, so he decided to find a different drink. He walked up to one of the Cheerios in the lemonade line.

"Excuse me sir," Jake said nervously.

:"What is it, plebeian?" the higher class Cheerio asked haughtily.

"I was wondering where the punch line was," Jake suggested.

The posh Cheerio thought for a second, "I'm sorry, son, but there is no punchline"