Canoe

Three explorers - a preacher, a poet and a banjo player - are lost in the jungle and captured by a tribe of cannibals.

The cannibals tell the three they will be sacrificed to provide skins for the tribal canoes - and because this is such an important and sacred ritual, each of them can make a wish, and if it's in the tribe's power to provide it, the wish will be granted.

Saddened but accepting of their fate, the preacher goes first. "I would like a bible"

Immediately a group of warriors departs and after great difficulty manage to find a town, obtain a bible and return.

The bible is given to the preacher, who reads it quietly for an hour then says "I am ready". He is then killed and his skin is removed to make the canoe.

The poet is next, and he asks for a single rose. Again a band of warriors departs and after several days and great difficulty manage to find a rose and return with it to the poet.

The poet gazes at the rose in silence for about an hour, then says "I am ready". He is taken and killed, and his skin is removed to make the canoe.

The banjo player is last.

"I'd like a fork"

"A fork???" Says the chief. But that's the wish and again a band of warriors departs and after a great many days and many many dangers they finally return with a fork, and the chief presents it to the banjoist.

Immediately the banjo player grabs the fork and starts to run around in crazed circles, stabbing himself all over with the fork, yelling

"AIN'T NO FUCKING WAY YOU'RE TURNING *ME* INTO A FUCKING CANOE!!"