But did you hear how it really fappened?

The legend reads: Chris saved up for years to roll out of a parking lot, driving his new dream car. He made the purchase and rolled on his way for his first joyride last Friday, when -BAM- a tree limb fell from above and completely crushed the frontside of his car. Chris was able to break free with just a few scratches, but there was no way it wasn't totaled.

"WHY GOD!! WHY?? WHY ME??!" Chris yelled.
"Oh, wow, well... this is embarrassing... I actually DID get the wrong Chris."
God continued.
"Same name... even same mother's name, but different SSN. Wow, what are the chances, yeah, I meant to throw lightening at that branch for a different Chris....
Here's what I'll do: Ask one thing of me, anything reasonable that doesn't include your wealth, fame, or love, and I'll get it to you by Monday." God said.

Chris, a man of manly needs and forever an Upton fanatic, quickly answered God to leak him nudes of his heartthrob, Kate Upton.

"Ha! Ok, you sure?" "Ya." "Great. That will be easy!" God said... "Jason Verlander can't keep it in his pants when Kate's around anyway, you know what I mean? His cellphone camera, I mean. Ok, Chris, I'll throw you a bone. Check reddit and 4chan over the weekend for your surprise."

The weekend passed and Chris was distraught. He found his gift, along with many other generous gifts of the same nature, and yet, when God asked him on that gleeful Labor Day how he enjoyed the gift, Chris dejectedly replied, "Not only do I wish to return my gift... but I no longer believe in you."

"WHOA! Buddy! You don't BELIEVE in me? The earth is literally gushing with joy because of this. I came through and gave you even more than was asked! Furthermore, I can't just, like... undo that! Y'know? What's going on? Why do you want this? Are your genitals okay?" God asked.

"Well, you see, God, on Friday, you quite literally crushed my car, my dream. Over the weekend, you promised you'd make it up to me. Instead, you also ended up taking my fantasies. After three minutes of trying to figure out who these people were in these photos, I gave up my faith when I realized I can't believe in a God that doesn't even know how to use Photoshop. Can I just get my car back?"