As I arrived at work this morning, I saw a flower delivery truck parked outside my building, and a guy was frantically taking flowers from the truck to inside and was in an obvious hurry, so I encouraged him by shouting...

An old lady was...

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on...

One of my friends...

But I think he was just being koi.

Which Mary is it?

The Bloody Mary

An infinite...

The first orders a beer... The second orders two beers... The third orders...

Kim Jong Un

"When I said nuke the Chinese, I meant microwave the takeout from yesterday!"

If I had a dollar...

Mexicans would pay for that wall.

A rich guy and a...

Rich guy: I am going to get my wife a Porsche and a diamond ring. Poor guy:...

What is the bank...

What is the bank manager's favourite type of football ? Fiver side !

Q: What do lead...

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality.

Circle jerking

For when you and your friends want to finish more than each other's sentences.