Application to date my daughter

Name: Last___________First______________ M. Initial_______ Age______


Address: ________________________________County______________________


Religion: ________________________#Attendance's in the Last Year_____


Parents: Father's Name________________#Marriages______#Years_________


Address________________________________________________


Mother's Name_______________#Marriages______#Years_____


Address________________________________________________


1. Do you own or drive a Van? ______________ (If so Please Discontinue
Filling Out Form)


2. In 50 words or less, describe what NO!!!! Means to you_________


__________________________________________________________________


__________________________________________________________________


3. In 50 words or less, describe what LATE!! Means to You_________


__________________________________________________________________


__________________________________________________________________


4. Where would you least like To Be SHOT?_________________________


5. Which is the Last BONE You Want Broken?________________________


6. What do you want to be IF you grow up?_________________________


7. The Place for a WOMAN Is?______________________________________


8. What is MY Daughter's NAME? ___________________________________


9.Who besides GOD Should YOU FEAR the most? ______________________


Parental Use Only:


Appearance Looks Like:Status:


Mel Gibson ___________Accepted:__________


David Letterman_______Rejected: __________


Pee-Wee Herman________Pending: __________


NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current
medical report from your doctor.


NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________


HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________


SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________


DRIVERS LICENSE #_______________


BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________________________


HOME ADDRESS__________________________


CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____


Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________


If NO, explain________________________________________________________


Number of years married________ If less than your age, Explain________


________________________________________________________________


Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____


A waterbed?_________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?______


A condom?______ Pornography?_______


Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________


A tattoo?___________ (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND
LEAVE PREMISES)


In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?
_______________________________________________________________


________________________________________________________________


In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
________________________________________________________________


________________________________________________________________


When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and
priest?_____________


Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are
confidential. (that means I won't tell anyone EVER)


The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
____________________


When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is
______________________


NOTE: if above answer begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises
keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.


What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _______________________


Condoms come in packages of


A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one)


I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE
AND RED HOT POKERS.


___________________________________________


Signature (that means sign your name)


Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please
do not try to call or write.


If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman
wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).