Affairs

First Affair


There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful
teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the
son that they always wanted.


After months of trying, the Wife became pregnant and sure
enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The
joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took
one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever
seen.


He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be
the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters
I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you
been fooling around on me?"


The wife just smiled sweetly and said....."Not this time."
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Second Affair


A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to
examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried
or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was
about to be cremanted, he discovered the longest private part he
had ever seen!


"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send
you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part
like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And with that,
the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's member.


The coroner stuffed his prize into his briefcase and took it
home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have
something to show you that you won't beleive." he said, and
opened his briefcase.


"Oh my God!" she screamed....."Schwartz is dead!"
*****************************************************************


Third Affair


A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and
asks for a bear.


"Certainly sir, that'll be one cent."


"ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy.


Teh barman replied "Yes."


So the guy glances over at the menu and he asks, "Could I have a
nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"


"Certainly sir" replies the bartender, but all that comes to
real money."


"How much money?" inquires the guy.


"4 cents", he replies.


"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. Where's the guy who owns this
place?"


The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."


The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"


The bartender replies, "Same as I'm doing to his business."