The morning of my wife's birthday I handed her her first gift. As she unwrapped it she said, "It's a fucking wand! What do I want with a fucking wand?"
"It's not just any wand," I replied, "It's a magic wand!"
"Really?" she said. "What does it do?"
"Why don't you give it shake," I told her, "and don't forget to say the magic words."
"Okay," she said shaking the wand. "Abracadabra!"
"Fuck me, love!" I said, peering down the side of the bed. "You're not going to believe this."
"What is it?" she asked all excitedly.
I said, "You've just made all your other presents disappear!"
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.