A Trip to the Psychic of Piccadilly Lane

A man driving his morning route spots an old corrugated plastic sign planted in the brown, yet overgrown yard of a decrepit house. The once-colorful sign reads "Psychic readings performed; $20.00 per palm reading, first question answered FREE." The man, intrigued, decides that he could skip his usual Starbucks stop in exchange for a new experience, and pulls off to the side of the road.

As he gets out of his car, he notices a strange look about the house. First off, the house is covered in a bright purple paint which has been badly chipped from many years baking in the sun. Secondly, none of the house's openings are level: windows are cracked and crooked, and the front door is slanted to the left. And, strangely enough, there is no paved pathway to the front door; simply worn grass, then patio, then door.

Despite all of these oddities, the man proceeds to walk from his car, up the oil-stained driveway, across the path of matted-down brown grass, onto the crumbling concrete patio, and knocks on the old oak door with a resounding *thunk* *thunk*

But before the man could knock a third time, the door swung open, revealing a plump elderly lady dressed in a thick red cloak decorated many translucent pink scarves. The man is taken aback by how quickly she answered the door, especially because of how old and out of shape she apparently was.

The lady in red introduces herself as the psychic in a flamboyant, yet obviously rehearsed way:

"I am the psychic of Piccadilly Lane!"

She continues, pointing at the man "You have come to have your future seen, your misfortunes foretold, and your successes predicted!"

The man, still a little confused by the woman's quickness at answering the door, is actually impressed by the psychic's act, assuring himself that this was going to be far more entertaining than his planned trip to Starbucks.

The psychic then proceeds to calmly invite the man into her home, and he follows. Decidedly, the inside of the psychic's home is far stranger than the outside. Bookcases line the walls with literature written in many different languages: Latin, English, Greek, French, and even a few the man was unable to identify. Sitting atop the bookcases are dusty knick-knacks ranging from snow globes and creepy red-fabric dolls to broken crystal balls and a cuckoo clock the man swears is running backwards.

He follows the lady into a warm and poorly-lit room draped in cotton and lace curtains. In the center is a card table covered with an elaborately-weaved purple and gold tablecloth. On the table is a glowing crystal ball sitting atop a beautifully engraved wooden bowl. The engravings show scenes of both erotic pleasure and horrible torture that the man hopes are symbolic for life rather than his own personal future. He is then directed to one of two deeply tan leather chairs parked on either side of the table. After both the Psychic and the man sat down, she addresses the man:

"Sir, as you may have read up front, I can see the answer to any question you pose me, and I answer the first question free of charge. So, think deeply about what you wish to ask."

The man, after a few seconds, speaks to the psychic: "So I can ask you any question and you will answer it?"

"Yes, to the best of my ability"

The man nods, satisfied, and leaves.