A man with a wooden eye

This story is about a gentlemen who through an rather unfortunate set of events, now has a wooden eye.

He is, understandably, rather self conscious about his eye. He has suffered years of odd looks and comments, and has become somewhat of a hermit. One evening, he thinks to himself "Enough is enough! I'm going to go out tonight and have some fun, damn anyone who thinks ill of my eye". So, out he goes.

He arrives at the bar, and after a few drinks he loosens up and plucks up the courage to dance. He gets a few odd looks, but so far no comments and he is feeling alright.

After a brief dance, he spots someone across the dancefloor. A woman, who despite being rather attractive to his eye, has a deformity which means her mouth is vertical rather than horizontal.

He ponders for a moment, and thinks to himself "Gee, this must be my lucky night! Finally, someone who is like me. She must know what it's like to be constantly stared at, we can share the burden! I think something could happen here". He composes himself, and with his new found confidence, decides he is going to talk to her.

As he approaches, their eyes lock. There seems to be a mutual attraction. His heart is pounding, could this really be real?

"Excuse me" he says. "Would you care to dance?"

She is flattered. "Would I??" She exclaims.

"Fuck off, cuntface!" He replies.