Officer:Do you know why I pulled you over?
Driver: I suppose it would be for speeding.
Officer: Yes sir. Now, where are you heading in such a hurry?
Driver: I'm heading to work and I'm running late. I have a very important job.
Officer: What type of work is so important that you need to drive 85 mph for? Are you a doctor?
Driver: Not a doctor per say, but something of the sort. You see officer, I'm an asshole stretcher.
Office: Okay, explain this to me.
Driver: It's a rather lengthy process. You start out by inserting one finger into the patient's rectum. Soon, using the other hand you can insert a second. As time progresses you can eventually get both hands in and continue stretching from there. We've gotten some to as large as 6 feet.
Officer: What in the world would you do with a 6 foot asshole?
Driver: Give him a radar gun and park him on the other side of that bridge!
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