May you be named Ben Ladden and be paged over the PA system at the Army-Navy game.
May you be forced to eat worms, run naked in front of your friends, be humiliated by a stern Englishwoman and not become famous on a reality TV show.
May you spend eternity in an elevator with the Wazzup guys.
May you be Saddam's food taster.
May it be that wherever you are, whatever you do, you can't get the song "Seasons in the Sun" out of your head. Not the Jacques Brel original, the one by that idiot Terry Jacks. You know the one.
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