3 guys are walking next to some mud and find some bricks.

They want to see who can throw the bricks the highest but can't seem to figure out how to measure the height that they threw it. One of the guys says "we can just measure how far the brick sinks into the mud." The other two agree to this. The first guy throws his brick and it lodges itself a foot and a half in the mud. The second guy throws his brick up and it lands three feet into the mud. The last guy throws his brick up with all his might... and it doesn't come back down.

One day a woman decided to go on a vacation with her parrot. She wanted to go to France but the only tickets she could get were no parrot no smoking tickets. Not wanting to leave her parrot at home, she simply stores the parrot in her shirt and acts like she is pregnant. While on the plane, the pilot is walking down the aisle smoking a cigar. He stops at the woman and asks her how her flight is going. Before she can reply, the parrot says "it's going great". Surprised, the pilot pulls the parrot out from under her shirt. "You can't have a parrot on this plane!" He says. She takes the cigar from his mouth and says "Well you can't have a cigar on this plane!" Enraged, the pilot throws the parrot out the window. This incites the woman to throw the cigar out the window. The pilot returns to the cockpit and is angry about losing his cigar. He's about to light up another one when he hears a knock on the windshield. He looks up and sees the parrot. And what was in his mouth?

A brick.