You know what I did before I married?

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. --Ann Bancroft Any husband who says, My wife and I are completely equal partners, is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. --Bill Cosby Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards --Benjamin Franklin My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. --Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. --Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --Milton Berle I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. --George Burns What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. --Cindy Garner When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. --Elaine Boosler I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,There was water in the carburetor. I said, Where's the car? She said, In the lake. --Henny Youngman My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. --Rita Rudner The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. --Henny Youngman People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. --Erma Bombeck