Why are masturbation breaks at work not allowed, but cigarette breaks are?

If I were to ask my boss if its OK to take 15 minutes to go suck cancer into my lungs (which will inevitably lead to illness, absence, and therefore productivity loss) he'd say sure, but if I asked him if I could take 10 minutes to go jerk off in the bathroom to Pornhub on my phone (and I wouldn't even use the wireless at work), he'd unquestionably fire me. Whats worse for your health???

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