A terribly drunk man wakes up in his home after a black out with an urgent need to urinate. In his inebriated state he can't walk, only crawl, wherever he needs to go. So he crawls, pulling his bodily weight with his arms across the floor, making little progress over time until he finally reaches the bathroom. Despite the tremendous effort, his is able to stand in front of the toilet to unzip his pants for a piss. He stares at his cock and slurs out, "You asshole. Whenever *you* need it, I stand without issue!"
Heard this joke from my mom earlier this morning, thought I'd share. Roughly translated.
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