**How To Please A Woman**
* Warm her up first. She's not a lawn mower that you can just turn on and off with the push of a lever.
* Touch her gently - she's a delicate flower.
* But not too gently - she wants a confident man, not a timid boy.
* Give her a masculine squeeze.
* But not too hard, you'll hurt her.
* After a while, she'll be warmed up. This can take anywhere from 30 sec. to 15 min., depending on the woman and the situation.
* Read her mind to determine when she's ready.
* Now you can move your fingers down south.
* But some women don't like that, in which case you should use your tongue instead.
* But this maneuver might make her terribly self-conscious, in which case you'll ruin everything.
* Read her mind to determine which course of action to pursue.
* Now, if using your fingers, read her mind to determine how many fingers to utilize.
* The preferred number is different for each
woman, though getting this wrong can be catastrophic.
* Gently caress her.
* But don't be too gentle, you'll bore her.
* But don't be too rough, you'll hurt her.
* Alternate clitoral caressing and penetration with a frequency determined by Schrodinger in the 1942 Vienna experiments.
* If using your tongue, follow the above steps with the obvious alterations.
* Eventually, she'll be sufficiently lubed for you to penetrate her with your penis.
* When penetrating her, start with gentle, slow thrusts.
* But not too gentle and slow. Remember, a woman isn't stimulated as easily as is a man.
* Generate some significant friction.
* But not too much friction. This isn't a porno, and you don't need a hospital bill.
* Gradually increase your frequency of thrusting.
* Read your woman's mind to determine the preferred acceleration. Remember, this is rocket science.
* Magically bend your penis upward at a 45 degree angle to stimulate the G spot.
* IMPORTANT: Do not finish before her. This means that you'll have to enjoy the stimulation as little as possible until she's climaxed.
* You'll find that, if you're good at this, you will be able to essentially numb your own pelvic sensations.
* After she's climaxed, and now that you're good and numb to the sensations, you'll have to (by some physiological miracle) enjoy the
stimulation again so as to finish yourself.
* You must finish. Remember, if she doesn't climax, it's your fault, and if you don't climax, it's your fault.
**How To Please A Man**
* Touch his dick.
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