When I went away to college my grandmother gave me a brand new bible.

Well I didn't really want a bible. I needed money but I said thank you all the same and went away to college.

I was having a great time but was burning through money very quickly. I called my grandmother and said "grandma I love it here a college but I'm going to need more cash to stay." She said "have you opened your bible?" Of course I hadn't but I said "of course grandma I pray every night." "Good" she said and hung up the phone.

A couple months later I really was in desperate need of cash. I called my grandma again. "Grandma I have excellent grades and I'm loving college but I will have to drop out if I don't get some money." She said "Are you sure you are READING your bible?" Again I lied and said "of course grandma." "Good" she said and hung up.

I finally ran out of money and had to drop out. I called my grandma and said "Hey! I have to drop out now because you did not send me any money!" She said "you really should read your bible" and hung up the phone. I finally opened the bible and sure enough right on the inside... in my grandmother's handwriting... it said " Fuck you"