War on Saddam

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who
to invade next when his telephone rang.


"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily-accented voice said.
"This is Yitzhak down in Tel Aviv, Israel. I am ringing to
inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"


"Well, Yitzhak," Saddam replied, "This is important
news! Tell me, how big is your army?"


"At this moment in time," said Yitzhak after a
moment's calculation, "there is me, my cousin Saul, my next-door
neighbor Shlomo, and the entire pinochle team from the deli --
that makes eight!"


Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Yitzhak, that I have
1million men in my army waiting to move on my command."


"Oy vey!", said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back!"


Sure enough, the next day Yitzhak rang back. "Right,
Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire
some equipment!"


"And what equipment would that be, Yitzhak?" Saddam asked.


"Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and
Goldberg's tractor from the kibbutz."


Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Yitzhak,
that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel
carriers, and my army has increased to one and a half million
since we last spoke."


"Really?!" said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Yitzhak rang again the next day. "Right, Mr.
Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne! We've modified Moshe's ultralight with a couple of
rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as
well!"


Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must
tell you Yitzhak that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand
MIG-19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by
laser-uided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last
spoke, my army has increased to two million."


"Oy gevalt!", said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back."


Sure enough, Yitzhak called again the next day.
"Right, Mr Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to
call off the war."


"I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"


"Well," said Yitzhak, "We've all had a chat, and there's no way
we can feed two million prisoners.