... Two friends are getting drunk at the bar. One gets so hammered he vomits all over his shirt.
The man says, looking down at the vomit on his shirt, "Aw, shit! My wife is gonna kill me for this!"
His friend, being the smart guy he is, puts a $20 in his shirt pocket and says, "Not to worry, man. When you get home, tell your wife some guy threw up all over you and slipped you this $20 to get your shirt dry cleaned. She won't suspect a thing!"
Nodding in agreement, they paid their tab and went home.
Sick dude walks into his house and is greeted by his wife, who sees the vomit right away.
"What the hell happened to you?!"
"Huh? Oh... S'ok... Some drnk guy thew up on me. But it's cool, it's cool. He gave me this $20 to get it cleaned," pointing at his shirt pocket.
His wife reached into his pocket and pulled out two $20 bills and said, "But there's two $20s here. What's the other one from?"
"Oh yea, that's from the dude who shit in my pants."
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.