(For best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night host)
John Boehner has filed a lawsuit against President Obama, claiming abuse of power. Obama wielded his incredible power later that day, when he begged Congress for permission to go to the bathroom.
A study of the world’s oldest feces, revealed that Neanderthals ate vegetables. But experts are saying the study is a load of crap.
In Detroit, a 12-year-old boy who had been missing for a week, was discovered alive and well. And if you live in Detroit, that’s the worst possible outcome.
The Supreme Court ruled today that police can’t search a suspect’s cellphone without a warrant. In a related story, the head of the NSA died from laughing too hard.
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