Top 10 Tips for Guys at Gym

1. Always throw your water bottle on the floor, never place it gently (keys, sometimes throw)
2. Always drop weights from as high as possible, so we know how much you're lifting
3. Every remark to another guy must include use of "bro" or "dude" to establish heterosexuality
4. Proper taunting must include a mention of "p*ssy or f*ggot; preferably use both
5. Every few days, slow motion shadow box for a few seconds in the middle of the gym, so that we know you are into boxing or MMA; do it slowly, so we can see your form
6. If nobody else is grunting loudly with each rep, it's your turn to start
7. All ethnic groups cluster together; never mix
8. If you are new, buy all the expensive workout gear you can find (the gloves, clothes, shoes), tell everyone who calls you that you are at the gym right now, then quit in 3 weeks because you just 'don't have enough time anymore'
9. If you're over 60, you must be naked in the locker room for at least 1/2 an hour per day; be certain to walk around
10. If you're the older, gay, pervy guy, even though you're not in good shape, try to demonstrate your flexibility in the most visible and inappropriate place (e.g. on the weight stand) AND contrive absurd excuses to speak with guys 30 years younger who are straight (but call them bro), because you might charm them into switching.... Bonus if you arbitrarily change from empty aisle in the locker room to one where someone is dressing

And for women:

1. Wear the tightest most revealing clothes you have, then get angry at 'creepers' who look at you
2. Use every piece of equipment where your a$$ is in the air
3. If you're a true 'Jersey girl' act exactly like the guys do